Waiting is one of the ways in which God teaches us valuable lessons. It is not my favourite mode of instruction, as I am, by nature, quite impatient. It is due to this, more than any other reason, that I able to examine, in excruciating detail, the texture of waiting in all its varied forms.

The hardest time of waiting is when you feel desperate – when the answer you need feels like your lifeline. I felt that way when I was unemployed, after coming back from Namibia. I had enrolled in a Masters course in Singapore, and didn’t have any income. I applied for various jobs as a psychologist, and somehow, all the opportunities just slipped through my fingers. Worry consumed my life; I felt utter despair.

When I prayed about it, I felt God told me: ‘be at peace, you will be fine’. I felt slight calm in my heart. But very quickly, I clung on to anxiety again. It was more active; I felt in greater control. It was logical and based on facts. Being at ease was unsupported by what I could see with my own eyes. After a while, however, the anxiety ran so deep that all I wanted was relief – something to numb the pain, something to bring it to an end.

Things did work out fine, of course, although I could not see it at that time. My parents gave me a loan, which I later paid back. I didn’t want to ask them for money; it seemed to signal my failure as an adult. I had already worked, for goodness sake. I felt guilty that I had left a good job to traipse around Sub Saharan Africa with a missionary organization. Did I really need to do that to get direction in life? I felt irresponsible and audacious, coming back jobless, asking my parents for more money. It was a humbling experience. As a result though, I learnt several key lessons in life.

I learnt that we need people. There are times when we will not have all the resources we need to ‘make it’ on our own the way we want to. Relying on people is actually fine; it is okay to ask for help. I grew up being instilled with idea that I have to make it on my own, that I should not be a burden, that I must do everything myself. However, I realize that this independence results in isolation, private suffering, and limits the choices we make in life. It is also unrealistic. We may not be aware of it or like it, but we need other people, as they need us.

I have also learnt to be generous when I see others in need. I know what it feels like to be so desperate that you have to ask money from others. It is humbling. I also know that my friends who ask me for a loan would only do so because they trust me. They know I will not hold them in psychological debt, or use the power difference it creates in a manipulative way.

Since then, I have had many occasions to wait – I have waited in small and large measures, with short and long timeframes, with both clarity and ambiguity of how and when a matter will be resolved. Waiting seems to mark the days and seasons of my life. It still does not come easily. I have to take deep breaths, come back to God repeatedly, and exercise surrender.

I have learnt, however, that depth and richness enters your life through the discipline of waiting. It is through waiting that you develop deep appreciation for what you eventually receive. You do not take it for granted. You taste fullness when you drink of it; you see all the little ways in which it meets your desires.

It is also through waiting that you develop inner peace and trust in God. This is the only way you can ‘survive the ride’ without being consumed by anxiety, uncertainty and fear. Trusting God is an exercise of faith. It may not come easily at first, and doubt may unsettle you. However, it is a choice, an act of will. We have many examples in the Bible to encourage us – people who put their trust in God and saw the impossible happen. Daniel in the lion’s den, was saved precisely because he trusted in God.

God is kind – He rewards those who wait upon Him. He shows us that He is faithful and worthy of trust. The cyclical experience of waiting and reward, waiting and reward, deepens our relationship with Him. It shows us His grace and mercy, His steadiness in the midst of storms. He demonstrates how He always fulfills the promises He makes, even if they take what seem to be an interminably long time.

God will bring to pass what He promises. In the meantime, He waits with us, alongside us – ever faithful and pouring out His love upon us – until the time is right.

“longing fulfilled is sweet to the soul”
Proverbs 13:19

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