It has been a strange year of Death for many Malaysians, culminating personally in that of Teoh Beng Hock, political aide to a Selangor Exco Member – a colleague and acquaintance of mine.
Several weeks had passed since his death, but still it is shrouded in mystery. As the inquest is ongoing, and as reports of testimonies of those who had last seen him fill the newspaper pages daily, the effects of his death seem to have worn out.
And so one would perhaps question the need to have a Tribute to him at so late a stage. One would imagine a cynic’s response being, “The funeral’s done with. The investigations are taking place. We’ve all had our chances to say goodbye. Why prolong and over-dramatise this death?”
Why, indeed.
Well, because, his death was the first political death of its kind in Malaysia. As many as 1800 deaths have taken place under custody, but his was unique. He was brought in as an innocent lamb for slaughter, only as a witness and not a suspect, to the MACC office for questioning.
Because his death sparked off within those of us who have a semblance of justice in our hearts, a great deep anger that is ready to implode at any point. The need to remember and to express ourselves was more than necessary.
My personal experience of the tribute that night was precisely that, and more. It was an opportunity for me to quieten down amidst the rush and flurry I have associated with the death.
You see, I have been the contact person between the Selangor State Government and the lawyers that are appointed to represent the State on the case. This means a whole lot of running around, ensuring the administrative appointments are done properly, bringing in the forensic pathologists from Thailand to aid in the investigation, and following the case very closely.
It is also the first time I am privy to close-up pictures of the body after the autopsy, and these have been gruesome and bloody. Anyone who has watched an episode of CSI would know to what I refer. It is an entirely different experience when these are pictures of someone you knew, a live breathing warm being now reduced to a corpse.
The trauma has merely been subdued by the need to tarry on, to continue working and slaving, business as usual. The urgency of getting facts and information in order, performing one’s duties as an officer, has taken priority.
So to finally sit down quietly, reflect upon all that has happened, focusing in on his death – and life – itself again, was cathartic. Writing on sticky notes to paste on the wall was therapeutic. I did not know that I was still so angered, words of which spilled onto paper as easily as water poured on sand. I remember saying, “Yes, I am angry. Yes, I am mad.”
Someone else responded by writing, “Forgive us for we have failed you” – and in this single sentence encapsulating the reasons for which we continue to remember. The reasons for which a tribute, a memorial, for a person who has left us so many weeks ago, still resonates strong.
Because Teoh’s death represents all of us who are fighting for justice, who are attempting to correct the wrongs (and there are many) in our nation, who self-sacrifice their time and lives for the greater good, because simply, we believe there is a better Malaysia that we can hope for.
And it is in the very process of Remembering that we are reminded of the cause for which we fight. That outcomes are never achieved is secondary. But the acts in themselves of doing the right thing are never perfunctory. They mean something. They resonate with goodness. They carry on in the memories of people. They are always remembered – just like Teoh.
Once again, rest in peace.
